| is this the way a toy feels, when its batteries run dry? |
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[24 Feb 2008|03:24pm] |
hello.
i hardly post in this community but i think i will today.
this is slightly belated, since i wore this outfit on valentine's day but never uploaded my pictures.
i love colors! :]
( Read more... )
( Read more... )
dress: vintage. (adore vintage) orignally a skirt, but i turned it into a dress.
belt: thrifted
boots: vintage, ebay.
cardigan: h&m
bag: aldo
necklace: some little boutique i bought from on vacation a while back.
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[05 Aug 2007|03:42pm] |
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music |
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the starting line. |
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i'm going to start going on birth control after my next period. which seems like the worst to start taking it, because by the time i'm done school will be starting soon. damn my gyno for setting me up to that, but i have to go on it because condoms suck and i need better protection. i hope mestrogestin doesn't try to make me fat.
otherwise i wont eat for a while.
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| and my body it leaks like a sieve. |
[27 Jul 2007|09:19pm] |
after more than a year of being indecisive with my life, after so many nights waiting for a call from someone i'm not even sure i ever want to speak to, im starting to realize a concept.
it's tough to hold back on what could be the perfect relationship for yourself, with a boy that could make you happier than anyone if you let him, because you're still stuck on someone else, someone old who once ripped your heart to shreds and did nothing but use you, yet you still love him because you let yourself get attached when you knew you shouldn't have. it's even harder knowing the old boy would never look at you as a serious potential girlfriend, as someone he could love even when you both know you two have the world in common and you know you could care for him like no one else; you know this because you already do. you start to realize it's your biggest obstacle, living day-to-day in a double-dimension: one, with a boy you're supposed to love because it would just be RIGHT, and two, with a boy who youre in love with although he'd never even give you the time of day, unless he needed a favor from you. and yet you wait, you pretend to be someone different for both of them, just hoping one day destiny would flip its coin for you and give you what you want but know you shouldnt have. you want the boy you're not supposed to be with; the writer, the artist, the one who's trying to figure himself out because you know you're just like him, and you know when you're with him its like living your perfect life. he understands your passions, and you his. you share dreams, you feel like you can talk to him about anything. then he leaves, and you find yourself hurt because you know, as much as he does in fact like you, he will never ask you to be his. so you turn around, drive back home, and answer the phone to another boy, lie about where you just went, and try your hardest to forget everything that happened that night. you want to feel nothing, nothing at all, for the boy that keeps you waiting and confused. you just want to rid of all feelings, yet feel like youre out of ways to try reaching this. he fades from your life until you see him once again one day, and all it takes is a smile, a goddamn smile for him to flash your way, and youre hooked again. you try so hard, but in the end you always find yourself right back where you started.
one step forward, three steps back.
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| TJTJTJTJTJTJTJTJTJTJTJ |
[19 May 2007|12:23am] |
I hate all the hills in this parking lot. it makes the shopping carts roll around everywhere and they go crazy. Quite possibly the only thing i hate about trader joe's though. i must look like a freak, standing here in the dark waiting next to a tree. What memories to create at this grocery store.
i tihnk if i were to keep track id find that ive been to this store probably on average, four times a week. four times a week times a month of weeks is 24 plus a few extra i have to go as "quick, i forgot something" trips. 30 per month. times 12 months in a year. 360, which is enough for once a day for almost a whole year. damn. i think im at this store just as much as anyone who works there. all the employees loooove me there. they are too sweet when i come in and help me out and smile. It's crazy how i could manage to write a book about my trader joe's trips, that's how much i have to say about it.
it's just one of those little things that hit you, that are just a small part of your day yet in the end, you find to have countless things to say about them. I suppose its irony in a way- the most insignificant part of your day but it becomes meaningful because you do it so often you cant imagine your day without being obligated to do this errand. It no longer is an errand, rather it becomes an adventure, and why not make it that way when it has to be done so often?
then again, why should am i so sentimental about a grocery store?
oh yeah.
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| Take all that you have; |
[19 May 2007|12:18am] |
turn it into something you were missing.
Oh, im going to write a book, internet. I've come up with a plot im not yet willing to share, currently. But let me say, i assure it will be interesting. Over the summer, perhaps, when i can get in my car and just drive away, maybe to a beach, sit in the breezy sun and just write away my thoughts and ideas. i dream about doing that, it would certainly be my perfection. That's why i have to pull it off; i will probably spend this summer drowned in my thoughts, driving, and going to trader joes constantly because that makes my mother's life easier. I'd want a road trip on my own even, not sure where to. I've been longing to do this, i want it to be my way of "finding myself" and i feel i can only do that in my own purposeful abandonment. Not to mention i've always wanted to see california on the road, in a way ive never seen it quite so before. Ah well, i'll do something to satisfy my need for a change of pace.
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| My most powerful weapon is my pen. |
[19 May 2007|12:14am] |
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Well, every great writer needs a challenge. Always hear the saying "draw what you see" and "write what you know." But what happens when you try writing of things you dont know? Consider it a challenge for a writer to create a story of a complete unknown? Of course, im only sixteen. Im still in high school, young, but i like this. And i know i oculd do something like that. All i need is a set mind. I want to record something unfamiliar because everything i do write about is how i see life, or a pattern which i can relate to purposely. It's easier that way. But....why take the easy way out every time?
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| And maybe my life would change |
[19 May 2007|12:06am] |
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if, you know, i was a nicer person and more open with everyone. But i am content with what i have, im a lot more outgoing than i was last year even. Though i do realize half the time i dont react to a situation the way i should. I worry and worry, and worry more. I got a new phone this week, even though i was half upset with getting rid of my blackberry because ive written all my thoughts onto it, which is what im transferring to here now, to make myself feel better because i do not want to get rid of them. i dont want to sleep, but i have nothing to stay awake for.
Today Mr. Irwine asks us who we would interview, anyone, dead or alive, if we had the chance. Almost all the kids said either Hitler "because he's crazy" or Bush because "he's our stupid president." I picked Jesse Lacey because i want to know where he gets all of his inspiration to write all his amazing lyrics. But when i said that, everyone looked at me like i had three heads. They had no idea who i was talking about. Brand New, guys. Come on. Nobody has got a clue for good music, it hurts. And for the record, i cant stand what they listen to, because their music is demeaning to women and sexual in a negative connotation. "what do you expect, you live in the bay area, everyone's going to listen to rap" is the response i get. There are plenty or great bands that come straight from this area (Halifax? Bayside?) but no one chooses to listen to the non-mainstream sounds.
which i guess im ok with, gives me one more way that makes me different.
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[05 Mar 2007|05:41pm] |
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I GOT MY LICENSE.
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[17 Feb 2007|05:33pm] |
i've been such an adult lately. well and why not? i did just turn another year older, one more year closer to bring me to the wishful age of nineteen. i hope you realize that importance. I didn't write about my birthday, but now that i remember it my friends brought me balloons to school. the kind that, you know, attract so much attention it had everyone and anyone i've never in my life seen before saying happy birthday. and my man brought me roses the night before. it was definitley the cutest thing a boy has done for me, and he earns special recognition for it. some friends forgot though, but the fact that i had people who i hardly knew calling to say happy birthday made up for that. i didn't get any presents, and i didnt ask for anything. i bought myself what i needed, flats and shorts and some books. im always buying books. books, i believe, are the epitome of knoweledge.
oh and.
my other friends surprised me that weekend and we raided stores and ran around in the rain and had fun.
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[02 Feb 2007|04:09pm] |
i realize i have yet to post something in here. im still new to the whole "lj scene", regardless i will dedicate my first post to random pictures, yes.
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[20 Jan 2007|05:33pm] |
because music is what i take with me everywhere, and never let go of. brand new says it all for me:
i've got desperate desires and unadmirable plans
my tongue will taste of gin and malicious intent
bring you back to the bar
get you out of the cold
a sober, straight face gets you out of your clothes
and they're scared that we know
all the crimes they'll commit
who they'll kiss before they get home
[i will lie awake
lie for fun and fake the way I hold you
let you fall for every empty word I say.]
barely conscious in the door where you stand
your eyes are fighting sleep while your mouth makes its demands
you laugh at every word trying hard to be cute
i almost feel sorry for what i'm going to do.
unfortunately, that illustrates my past summer exactly. it got much worse when i fell for him, well, it got complicated.
on a lighter note- probably the greatest picture of my father, ever.
found it on the other computer's desktop tonight. i absolutley love it.
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